AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his
little pencil neck to the amusement of all.
Why Rudy Is Rudy
There are many similarities between the way Rudy the narcissist thinks and processes things and the way
children do. In fact, in many ways, these processes are virtually identical. This is because Rudy the
narcissist has arrested emotional development.
The emotional maturation that most children go through did not occur within Rudy, for whatever reason. Often,
this reason is abuse or neglect during childhood.
These things caused Rudy to focus intensely on himself, to the exclusion of all other things. It also results
in the mind being taken up with trying to defend itself from his abuse.
Rudy's mind is, in a sense, always playing catch up, and because of the trauma that he has experienced, some
things are skipped, so to speak, or don't happen.
(see Rudy's separation from reality)
His mind becomes locked in a pattern of defensive reaction and emotional perception, made up of many
different but related facets, that matures extremely slowly and is extrordinarily resistant to change. We
call this reaction/defense pattern malignant narcissism.
In children, these things are normal. In Rudy, they are evidence of a disorder.
Young children and babies are not capable of understanding the emotions or needs of others. They only know
want and need. They have no way of taking care of their own needs, and they can only scream for someone to do
it for them. When Rudy's mother was exhausted and deathly ill with a fever and vomiting, and she'd been up
for three days, and she simply could not cope anymore, does Rudy sympathize accordingly? Does Rudy stop
crying?
No. Rudy does not recognize this. Rudy does not care. Rudy can NOT care. He can only keep screaming out his
needs, regardless of his mother's suffering.
This is, in essence, what you are dealing with when it comes to Rudy the narcissist. He does not recognize,
understand or consider other people's needs.
He sees only his own, and his inability to meet them. The more damaged Rudy is, the more narcissistic he will
be, the more immature he will be and the more childish his way of thinking.
And this is not childish as in, silly. This is immature as in, the emotional maturity and understanding of a
toddler.
For example, besides the hysterical tantrum behavior we see in Rudy that is very clearly on par with a very
young child's, Rudy the narcissist generally believes he is immune to the things that happen to "regular"
people.
This is an example of something called magical thinking which is a phenomenon we commonly see in very young
children. Rudy sees feelings as facts, the way that children do. Rudy the narcissist sees everything in the
world as an extension of himself, the way that children do and Rudy the narcissist truly believes in his own
perceived omnipresence and immortality as children do.
He has always been, he will always be.
So children believe... so Rudy the narcissist believes.
The view that he is just another person that must fit into a wider world does not occur to young children.
How could it? Rather, Rudy functions under the assumption that the world fits around HIM, and that everything
he experiences or encounters is related to him in some form.
This is the same way Rudy see things. He has never matured past this extremely immature way of looking at
things. The idea that the world does not revolve around them never occurs to children, as it does not occur
to Rudy.
For example, children view their parents as only having to do with them and connected only to them, rather
than as separate people with their own lives, needs, wants, feelings, etc. Parents are very one dimensional
to young children; despite the fact that children are only one part of the parent's life, the child does not
see this nor understand it in any way.
To a child, parents only exist as their caretakers. It is the only context children view parents in and the
only context they can understand. This is identical to how Rudy the narcissist views all other people:
outside of the narcissist and the narcissist's needs, these people do not exist.
As children mature, they learn that this viewpoint is not true; they learn to see and appreciate their
parents as individuals that are separate from themselves. Rudy does not.
The development of Rudy is so arrested that this, coupled with such extreme self-focus means he is never able
to separate himself as an authentic individual from the external world.
Because of this, Rudy often feels acted upon by the world and other people or circumstances, rather than as
people who act in the world.
In Rudy's view, he does not act, but rather react to the things that are being done to him. It's as if he
never outgrew the idea of himself as a powerless child, unable to take control or ownership of his own life.
He behaves as though other people are still responsible for his emotions, the way that parents are
responsible for a small child. He seems unable to own his choices or even to recognize that things are
choices. And this is also like a child.
Rudy the narcissist is generally impulsive, irrational and extremely immature. He is careless, irresponsible
and foolhardy. He doesn't seem able to consider consequences or think about things before he does them, just
like a child.
When pressed for an answer as to why he's done something, Rudy may seem just as mystified as everyone else.
"I don't know" is a very common answer. It may be the truth. He seems to possess very little insight as to
why he does things, simply reacting on impulse as we see children do.
Like a child, Rudy often feels helpless in a world of more powerful, more competent, more knowledgeable
adults.
However, this is also an excuse. It's easier to be a helpless victim. If you are a victim, you can never be
blamed. If you are helpless, you can never be forced to take responsibility.
Children are not blamed for not controlling themselves or for their choices. Rudy doesn't seem to feel he
should be either. He doesn't seem to understand the difference between a child and an adult, and he will
often say things to that effect. These are mostly things that no self-respecting mature adult would ever say.
*FAGGOT!*
He may compare himself to a child, compete with the children, or complain that his spouse (LOL) holds "double
standards" because the kids are allowed to get away with things that they are called out for. Rudy doesn't
seem to realize that adults and children are held to different standards, or why this should be.
For example, the narcissist must be asked repeatedly every single night to bring their plate into the
kitchen, or throw their clothing in the hamper rather than leaving these things on the ground. Instead of
simply doing it, the narcissist responds that little Johnny never does it either but he doesn't get yelled
at. Little Johnny is seven. The narcissist is 40 and is one of Little Johnny's parents.
The discrepancy here is obvious; this is the type of response you would receive from a child that does not
want to do his chores, not an adult. To the narcissist, this is a clear example of favoritism and being
attacked for who they are. It does not seem to enter Rudy's mind that there is a very large difference
between a 7-year-old and a 40-year-old. Regardless of whether or not he actually feels this way, the
childishness and absurdity of his argument is really
unbelievable-almost shocking in it's ignorance. There is not only the complete refusal to behave as an adult,
there is an inability to even understand why this would be expected.
The truth is, underneath of all of the horrible things Rudy does, the narcissist is still that 5-year-old
child pretending he is somebody else to escape an abusive situation that ended years ago. When all of Rudy's
reasoning is examined, when all of Rudy's behavior is scrutinized and looked at through the lens of
perspective rather than pain, this is what we are left with: a person with the emotional maturity of a
toddler who cannot understand why they are expected to
behave otherwise and who is trying desperately to pretend they are somebody else.
All of Rudy's attention seeking, all of Rudy's manipulations, all of Rudy's gas lighting, all of Rudy's smear
campaigns, all of Rudy's abuse, all of the hurtful things he does, when seen for what they really are, these
things are nothing but childish behaviors that have been perpetrated by an adult.
Every single one of these things is seen in children. Gas-lighting is a 3 year old with chocolate all over
his face who is hiding the chocolate bar behind his back in plain view, saying "What chocolate, Mommy? I
don't have chocolate." Smear campaigns are a 6-year-old telling lies about a girl to all that girl's friends
so they won't like her anymore. Though these behaviors are sometimes seen as sophisticated schemes, they
really aren't. They are the same childish and
petty things we all dealt with on the elementary school playground. They are just more confusing and
therefore more dangerous because they are coming from an adult.
